My anxiety has been something awful for the past two weeks. I missed three days of work, and a stage play I had been looking forward to because of it. My psychologist is very concerned and as I’m transitioning to a new psychiatrist the medicinal help my psychologist wanted me to receive wasn’t available when I needed it most. I believe it was the combination of two things that kicked this off, but they’re too personal for me to talk about here.
Despite my anxiety, I did manage to write every day, even if just a little. I still have nine entries in pocket ahead of the My Darling Tragedy publishing schedule. I passed the structural midpoint of the second journal. Soon I will need to introduce new bloodlines into the Black Wax Vampire universe. I’m dreading it. Inventing lore is not easy for me, and I don’t think I’m particularly good at it.
I’m thankful for books while coping with all this anxiety. I’m currently reading Out by Natsuo Kirino and The Third Love by Hiromi Kawakami, and I’m enjoying both. I also just finished The Sound of Waves by Yukio Mishima. I tend to be drawn to sad books with sad endings. I think I experience feelings of sadness more intensely than feelings of happiness, and this appeals to me because my daily psych meds blunt my emotions, so I usually feel flat. But in The Sound of Waves, I wanted a happy ending for the characters and received it, and it left me feeling good. All three books served as an important distraction to slow down my spiraling. Again, I am thankful.
I believe I will feel better soon.